Avengers : let's get Thor drunk !
by Elorin
Summary: Thor is the perfect norse god : he drinks booze to make his ancestors proud and everybody thinks he can't be drunk whatever he drinks. Tony Stark thinks that is a challenge that the Avengers (and Loki) have to take up and that the result may be interesting...


**Warning :** I'm French, English is not my mother tongue and I'm not fluent in it . This is the translation of a fanfic I've written in French. Please forgive my mistakes and don't hesitate to yell at me each time you see a grammar mistake or something wrong : I'm learning ! ( and if someone would be kind enough to proof read me... )

The Avenger Initiative has a new mission to accomplish : gettingThor drunk ( without dying themselves in the process) First step : assembling the avengers...

* * *

"Come on mate, it's New Year's Eve ! Come and party with us !"

Tony Stark trampled on in his office, going to and fro before the french windows, which overlooked Manhattan. In spite of his all creased italian suit, he looked like a kid begging his mother to offer him the Christmas' present of his dreams.

Except that at this other end of the speaker that Jarvis provided him, there was a well-known scientist, one of the best in the world. He was famous for his advanced works in gamma rays and his tendency to turn into a big green monster sweeping away everything in his path. For being an Avenger whereas he needed serenity and to calm down and whereas those two last points were completely opposed to life of an Avenger. And even more opposed to living near Tony.

The latter didn't care, as Banner was in the lab, in the basement of the Stark Tower, which had been reinforced after Loki's mess, and his own armor was in a suitcase only two meters away from him. Not even scared the Tony.

Especially because he was really trying to get the best Christmas' present that he's ever got.

"No.. What I mean is... No thanks, I'm fine where I am, I've got things to do and...I gonna ruin the party."

Seriously, does anyone has ever said no to Anthony E. Stark ?

"Banner ! You're part of this team and this means that you have to take part of the team activities that strengthens the cohesion of the team ! The team spirit is very important, they don't stop telling me ! Now, you get your butt over here and you help us to get Thor drunk !"

Seriously, someone has to say no to Anthony E. Stark. Or, at least, to let Pepper know that he was about to do something stupid gain. He was unable to busy himself nicely with his little mates.

"Miss Potts is coming,"

Jarvis warns him at the very moment when the elevator doors opened on the last floor of the Tower Stark.

Tony cursed against the too human AI who were struggling against the project of his creator by warning him of the coming of the Iron-Man's baby-sitter and CEO of Stark Industrie only at the very last moment. Small personal revenge from the too-clever for Stark's good AI.

Brutally he closed the doors of the mini-bar that he was checking and stood up straight in order smile. He was casually leaning on the bar, his thigh preventing the closet to open because of the great number of bottles that were in.

He had seen big.

As big as the innocent smile that he gave to Pepper and Steve, who came with her and kept a low profile in her back. He didn't know yet why Tony asked him to come but it had nothing to do with the Avengers Initiave.

Consequently, it doesn't look good.

"Steve told me that you asked him to drop by ?"

Implied: and you don't tell me about it ?

Since when had he done something without telling Pepper ? Without her organizing it herself ? No need to be a super-hero to smell trouble from afar when Tony Stark thinks that he knows what he's doing.

"Yes, yes, 'course ! I must have forgotten ! I've been busy. Very busy lately. It's nothing. We're gonna have a drink between super-heroes, super-friends, that's all. Just a small and intimate party. To keep our close bound..."

Tony kicked the door of the closet shut even if it made an unhappy creaking. He went and put an arm around Captain America's shoulder...before he put it down around his waist as soon as he realised that he had to tiptoe otherwise. He tapped him vaguely on the back and whispered :

"Keep smiling, smile Stevie."

Steve obeyed nicely. He felt like glaring at him in order to know what was going on but right now, Tony would say nothing. _You secretive naughty little thing_

He was beginning to know him well, too well.

"A small party ?"

" A small party. Nothing, really. Two, three super-heroes, one pizza, some booze. Nothing more. Not even a chick. Well, except if a platinum blonde muscular god of the thunder counts like one. Natasha is working. Somewhere. In a far away, dangerous, full of psychopaths who want to eat her for their breakfast, place. She told me that she was going to do it quickly and try to drop by. It should work."

"The last time you have given a party, you destroyed half of the mansion, almost killed your best friend, made a fuss and ruined a armor !"

"We've already talked about that. I was dying !"

"With you, I've always that impression ! Especially when it's convenient for you ! You're such a kid sometimes !"

The two avengers watched Pepper going back to the lift angrily. Luckily she couldn't slam the doors shut.

"I think she is rather upset..."Captain America ventured. "You should...do something ? Going after her ?"

"Are you kidding me ? Rogers, are you giving me lesson on « How seduce a woman? »"

Tony kept silent with a melodramatic face to let Captain America the time to sigh, unable to respond something to the playboy.

"Don't worry. It's worth it. May I offer you a drink ?"

Ten minutes later Steve asked, without looking up from the glass that he was turning since Tony has stuck in his hand by force.

"You know that I cannot be tipsy, don't you ?"

"Right, relax, enjoy."

Tony gave him his brightest smile. Captain America sighed slightly then, naive, he decided to give it a shot and finally took a shy nip.

Nip that he spat out politely on the carpet.

"Yuck, that's disgusting !"

"And you got no taste neither in whiskey nor in carpet!"

Playing outraged, Tony came and picked up the glass to knock it back without even frowning.

"You can talk, Pepper is the one who has chosen the carpet !"

"And I've chosen Pepper ! And this whiskey ! I've good taste and you're wrong !"

Steven rolled up his eyes. How can we beat Tony Stark in a verbal sparring ? The billionaire-genius-playboy-philanthropist was always persuaded to be right. The worse part was that it was the case, most of the time.

He looked backwards to seek support in Clint Barton, well-known for his little bird's name « Hawkeye ». The archer was turning his back on them, as he got his forehead leaning against the window pane : he was peering into the darkness lit up by the small luminous dots that were the other dwellings seen from the top of the Stark Tower. As soon as he had arrived, Tony told him to watch for Thor :

"Clint, my good Clint, do you seen a blondie on the horizon or nothing but a cloud of dust in the sun, and the green grass ?"

"Blue beard!"

"Well done Captain!"

Tony gave him the thumbs-up, glad that somebody listened to his silly humor.

"Stark, if you need someone to see rain smashing to your windows you're blind and you deserves to be struck by lighting."

"The lighting or the dude who comes with ? I'm not sure I want to bet on which one is the more painful to feel in !"

"Tony..."

_Banner gave a slight cough as he growled the name of his host : ____by pity I don't want to know what comes next, I don't want to hear a thing, to imagine anything, my god Tony, do you know when it's time to stop sometimes, you little shameless pervert how do you...yuck_

Tony tapped his lips with the pulp of his finger, trying to look like both a philosopher and a playboy :

"Even if...The worst may be getting the spear of the guy coming with the lighting-dude, right in the ass. I've been said that it was very..."

"No, Tony, tell me you didn't..."

Steve didn't know whether he was begging, protesting or praying. Tony could not have done that. No way.

"Come on ! This is Christmas, peace, brotherhood, harmony, forgiveness, all that stuff ! You're not gonna tell me that you've never heard of that ? For me, I give a charity ball every Christmas ! I'm nice, I'm kind, I'm helping the community. And, after all, that's not sure, Thor has not confirm his plus one . But, even if he's coming, he swears to be nice, anyway ! At worst, if he wants to take a nap, there is the print of his body ready in the floor, I've let the hole. Nothing to worry guys !

Banner put his head in his hands, already worried about what will happened. How Stark succeed in convincing to come ?

Clint was wondering if he had the time to go for his bow before the two asgardians arrived. Only two arrows would be needed. One for Loki's head. The other for Stark's butt.

He didn't know which one he was the eagerest to shoot.

The lighting fell on the terrace, lighting up the french windows and Thor, who stove to find a way to go through this « magical and invisible pane between him and the others and to which he kept banging into when he tried to move forwards and that began to get on his nerves, that he wanted to smash to pieces with Mjollnir. » . All that under Loki's sneering laugh and look. Loki was right behind him, arms-crossed, patiently waiting for his brother to stop bulldozing ahead.

" Avengers friends ! We're locked out !"

"PUT THIS FUCKING HAMMER DOWN FOR GOD'S SAKE !" Tony yelped "JARVIS"

"Shall I open to him, sir ?" Jarvis asked in an innocent tone.

"No, I'd rather you prepare him a barbecue ! Open that bloody door !"

"I have to warn you that the embers will be hard to light with all this rain..." Jarvis informed them kindly as he let the two gods entered in the penthouse.


End file.
